From G to the VC..

After reading one of the comment left by anonymous (AGAIN) on my previous post, I felt uneasy, wondering and trying to figure out who is he/she. He or she obviously never read my blog before, or if he/she did, he/she might missed the post that he/she referring for. Off course I'm surprise! First, he/she mentioned about the G*****N with capital G and VC. Then about 40kilo compensation money (so-called la, padahal I have to pay them because I break my contract) and such. So, I assumed la that he/she pretty much know about me and my kisah silam la kot.

Walking tall?? Ok, I don't know whether you (anonymous) were giving me a compliment or it was a cynical comment. Seriously, I'm not very good in reading between the line. So, just say it straight to my face if you think that I'm such an obnoxious bastard (like I care la kan?). Honestly, I wrote that because one of my reader had asked me to. If it sound like a 'angkat bakul' post, then I'm sorry because it was unintentional. Off course I do feel proud about myself. My parent also proud with what I've achieved. So, I don't think that it's wrong for me to feel that way kan?

Secondly, how dare you mentioned that name (BIG G and VC) in my blog!! All this year I've tried not to offense anyone, especially the one that I mentioned above. Yes I did a HUGE mistakes before, which almost cost my future. I've been suspended from my job for months because I've posted or more likely cursed them on my blog!! I was upset ok. To bear with my unstable emotion, I start to write whatever on my mind. I didn't feel guilty about it. In fact, I'm sort of relived when they suspended me. In the end, they asked me to come back to work. Ever since after that incidence, I have been very careful with what I write. There's a thing that I don't mind to put fact by fact in here, but not when it's come to 'you know who'. But I believe if you ask all the ex-staff, 99% will came out 1001 reason why they hate working over there. But I rather look the glass half full than half empty. I've learned a lot and it was indeed a very good stepping stone for me.

Thirdly, about that 40 thousand. That was the price that I have to pay for breaking my contract with BIG G and VC. In that matter, I must say that I'm a bit careless and ignorance. I paid them 20k upon my resignation, but sort of ingat-ingat lupa to pay the rest, until they 'kind of 'treat to sue me if I didn't pay it in certain time. My dad became my saviour because he finally agreed to lend me his money. I paid them weeks before coming to London. Not that I'm planning to run away pun, because they still hold my original copy of my cert. And the fact that I owed my dad's money is one the reason why I'm here. Unless HUKM can give me payrise above 5k, I'm more than happy to go back..bleyyy?? *matilahhhh LALANG~

Lastly, I don't know why I even bother to respond to the comment. Menyakitkan hati ade la. I think it is not necessary for me to to dwell this bitter memory. I rather focus what is in front of me. But sometimes it is good to reminiscing the good old time, but not when I'm in BIG G and VC. To whoever that anonymous is, I'm soooo sorry if I'm misinterpreted your comment. My bad!!

I Dreamed The Dream..

*pose-pose tayang ketiak dalam jamban..kau hado FA??

As far as I concern, I never mention in my blog how I get started before I move across the globe. I might be put a little bit here and there, but never in details right?? Since, dah ada orang bertanya, so tak salah la kot if I put up an entry for it. Besides, sebelum ni, I was not sure about taking big giant step. Tak tahu, nak ke tak nak, walaupun impian tu memang la ada. Ever since I mula belajar, I dah pasang angan-angan bukan setakat nak belajar sampai ke menara gading je, kaalu boleh nak belajar sampai ke oversea. Tapi, since aku ni, tidak la pandai sangat, so setakat dapat masuk UM je la. Tu pun Abah I buat kenduri doa selamat you!!

Masuk UM tu pun sebahagian dari plan aku dan Abah aku jugak. Abah aku dah siang-siang pesan before I fill up my UPU form. Dia pesan, pilih UM, UKM, USM dan UPM saje!! Jangan nak gatal-gatal letak KUKUM, KUITTHO dan yang sewaktu dengannya. Tu diahhh arahan. Since I ni anak yang TAAT, maka I letak la 4 pilihan pertama from UM and the rest tu from UKM dan USM. UPM tak dapat masuk list sebab tiada course yang berkenan di hati. So, sudahnya dapat masuk UM and it was my first choice on my UPU from. Alhamdulillah.

Lepas habis degree, I have a thought to further study kat oversea. I did get an offer from University of Bradford untuk buat Master. Tapi my mum pulak tak bagi. Besides, at that time, puas jugak la I ni mencari sponsor kat MARA and JPA, tapi hampeh sangat. Mentang-mentang la Abah I ni kerja TNB biasa je, susah la nak guna kabel. Gituhhhh!! In the end, I sambung kat local college jer.

So, sebab tu la, since I tak dapat nak sambung belajar, so I tanam angan-angan Raja Ema nak kerja kat oversea la pulak. Dalam kepala otak I masa tu ada dua negara je. It was whether Australia or UK. Most of my senior and junior are working in Australia. Tak tahu la kenapa. Tapi part yang tak best tu adalah, I have to start work as a trainee first and sit for Part 2 Theory DMU exam. Ape jadahnya?? Dah la exam tu susah nak mampus. It took me 3 attempt to pass it (ni masa kat Malaysia), then nak kena ambik lagi sekali kat sana?? Padahal exam yang aku buat kat Malaysia tu pun depa (ASUM - Australian Society of Ultrasound) yang sediakan dan marking pun depa jugak. Study macam nak mampus!!! That is the only thing that turn me off. Besides, why do I have to start as a trainees (bukan TRANNY ye adik-adik) sedangkan I'm bloody established sonographer?? *tu diahhh kekwat~

So, in order to make dream comes true, I started with:

1. Research a.k.a find the jobs/vacancies via online or other sources

Since I know what I want to do, it was very easy for me to find the job. I don't go for agencies. Ye lah dik, I ni gi sana bukan nak kerja sebagai MAID, nurse, midwives dan yang sewaktu dengannya. So tak perlu nak guna agensi bagai. Just simply google the job, and in my case off course I have to apply through NHS (National Health Service) website and click 'APPLY'.

The week after that, I get respond from the Hospital and they asked me to send over my resume as well as my certificates. At that time, I just started few months in HUKM. Only few friends je yang tahu pasal ni. Ye lah, buatnya plan tak menjadi, tak ke tebal muka I nanti. Malas la nak brag pasal benda yang belum menjadi kenyataan.

So, after a while, they contact me (via email) to set up a video conference.

2. Interview

Interview was awesome!! Though I wasn't well prepared, but it was more spontaneous. They asked me all related question to the profession which was easy peasy to me!! I have the trouble to set up my webcam yang tunggang terbalik nih. Maklum lah, tak biasa webcam-webcam ni. I selalu tengok webcam orang je hahahaha.

After several attempt, I managed to online with them, and there you go. The audio was from the phone and the visual from the webcam. The other problem was the audio yang tenggelam timbul plus, one of the makcik interviewer to guna English peringkat 8 yang set-set macam Esah dan Lee je yang faham. So, I have to ask her to repeat the question for several time. Overall, it wasn't that bad.

I've got a very good feedback and in few weeks, the sent me an offer letter. Woohooo!! But this is just beginning. Lots of trouble are waiting ahead and lots of stuff I have to prepare in order to get the CoS (certificate of sponsorship). This is a real big deal because without it, I won't be able to apply the visa. One of them was IELTS.

3. English Test (IELTS)

Since my mat salleh sangat la tunggang langgang, even after 7 months in here, I'm still struggle with the language. But, it is essential to take IELTS test. Sebab diorang nak tengok la your english proficiency tu tahap mana, walaupun at the same time, I wonder kenapa la ramai hantu laknat yang datang ke sini were barely speaking english. Nak nak set yang paki pakis mari la. Ada setengah tu dah berpuluh tahun duduk kat England, but failed to master the language, hence their anak pinak boleh la pulak speaking with thick brit accent.

Ni la akibatnya kalau tak bercampur dengan penduduk tempatan. Asyik terperuk kat Southall tu je, mana la nak maju ke depan sebab most of the population kat situ semua geng depa. Dari kedai jual kain, sampai la ke GP clinic. Pastu bila kena refer kat tempat I, demand suruh cakap Hindi bleyyy?? Kau kenapa Sangeeta hoi??

Eh terkeluar tajuk pulak. So, nak dijadikan cerita, I managed to sit for IELTS dalam keadaan kelam kelibut with no preparation at all. I registered for the exam 2 weeks before the exam day. Gila tak?? Orang lain siap ambik kelas for brush up their English. Nasib la, I just buat yang termampu. The result was just moderate, but good enough to apply the CoS!

4. Certificate of Sponsorship (CoS)
This was the most annoying part because it took me few months just to get this bloody CoS. Dah siap IELTS, I have to do the point-based calculation test on UK Home Office website. I have to pass the test and send the result to my HR. It wasn't difficult as I thought it would be. Tapi after that, still ada saja la benda yang tak cukup for the other side to apply the CoS. Reference letter dah bagi. Criminal record clearance pun dah buat, but still no news from them for about 5 months gituh.

Sudahnya, I malas nak berharap sangat. So, I just diamkan je la. Malas nak bising-bising kat HR. Nanti depa kata I ni belum masuk kerja dah jadi pushy and demanding. But I still keep in touch with the Recruitment Officer, Ms D. She is a really nice lady. She helped me a lot in order to make my relocation easier. Dia jugak la yang push her people to get my CoS as soon as possible. Pening jugak aku bila depa suruh aku register with HPC (Health Profession Council), sebab depa kata, if I didn't register with them, they won't be able to process my CoS. Isn't it weird?? Sebabnya, aku bukannya kerja kat sana lagi, why I have to register with HPC. Dah la fees dia about GBP400++. Mana aku nak cekau Leha oi. Gaji kat HUKM ni pun cukup-cukup makan. Nasib la tak kena jual tubuh kan?? *ops

For some reason that I don't know, she managed to get my CoS and at that time, I think I'm the most luckiest guy girl whatever you want to call in the world!! With this CoS, I'm one step closer to my dream. The next deal is, to get the visa!

5. Visa

Walaupun I'm about one step closer to my dream, I'm still second guessing myself whether to do it or not. Then, baru I teringat yang I belum discuss about this matter yet with my parent. Bukan terlupa, tapi I keep dragging this issue sebab I takut nak bagitau my parent. But I did tell them anyway before I send my visa's application. Alhamdulillah they approved my decision.

I think kan my visa application yang paling simple sekali. Sebabnya, orang lain datang siap dengan 2, 3 folder packed with certificates and such, tapi I ada dua tiga keping kertas jer dalam sampul size A4 yang cinonet tu. All I have with my application were my passport, IELTS result, offer letter, letter of CoS, criminal clearance certificate, bank statement and my DMU certificate.

Oh ya, apparently the Home Office required applicant's bank statement just to makesure that they have sufficient money to survive for the first month in UK. In my case, entah macam mana, my bank statement direject oleh pegawai kat UK visa center tu (yang hensem macam Alan Yun), sebab dia kata bank statement tu bukan formal bank statement. He said that they require the one with letterhead of the bank and signed by the branch manager. So, berlari-lari anak la I pergi ke CIMB cawangan Bandar Tun Razak, yang bila I sampai kat bank tu tetiba bank kosong and ada notis tampal depan pintu yang depa dan berpindah ke Taman Connought. Pantat anjing betul!!

Kaedahnya, I sempat sampai ke CIMB kat Taman Connought tu. Tapi manager dia sangat la gamps sebab tak tahu menahu pasal official statement apa yang dia patut buat for visa's application leyy?? Padahal I tengok (masa kat UK visa center) ada je applicant yang ada surat from their bank. All I'm askinf for was a letter from the branch manager that stated that I have sufficent money (that equivalent to GBP 800 or more). Tu je. Tapi biasalah, sebab kayu sangat manager tu, makan BIBAH banyak sangat, so dia tak tau how to help me. At that time, I can see that my dream is slipping away to my fingers like the sand. Sedih okey!! Bila dah saat-saat genting macam ni, you're helpless!! Takdak orang yang boleh tolong..

So, I brought that matter to Ms. D and I did mention to her unless they (the employer) write a letter stated that they going to sponsor me for accomodation and etc on the first month when I started the job. Sekejap je, the next day terus dapat surat (via email) sponsor from the director herself.

Berbekalkan surat tu and other supporting documents yang dinyatakan di atas, it took me about a week to get the visa stamp on my passport!! Wuhooo!!

So, within one week, I dah sampai ke London dengan penuh semangatnya sebab nak sambut krismas kat sini bleyyy??

"Underneath pokok krismas, I will wait for you!!" *bleyyyy??

Harap terjawab la siapa-siapa yang tertanya-tanya macam mana I boleh datang kerja ke oversea nih. Yang penting, takde sugar daddy sponsor yerrr!!! *ttbe defensive..kau kenapa??

Daaaaaaaaaaaaa~~

Al-Fatihah

Another bad news back at home. One of the admin staff who used to work at feto-maternal center passed away sebab ovarian cancer. I'm in shock!! Sebab tak sangka arwah pergi secara tiba-tiba. That's it. Kebencian aku terhadap penyakit cancer ni makin menggunung!! Tak suka!! Tak suka!! Tak suka!!!

There's nothing much I remember about arwah except that she was indeed a very nice and sweet lady. Somebody who always be an eyes and ears for my grumbling, tantrum and my annoying nag throughout the day. I always teased her by making a prank call from SPU, pretend like I'm somekind of fussy patient who tried to book an appoinment. It was funny!! She was someone that I think everyone will comfortable to talk with because she such a good listener. She always calm. Sampaikan at one point when I was angry, I just can't show that in front of her. She kind of have a power that made you to suck it up and calm you down. Sangat susah nak tengok dia marah or complaint. As far as I remember, I haven't seen her get pissed of upset. Dan dia jugak jenis yang tak banyak bercakap, especially benda-benda yang tak berfaedah.

Walaupun kenal dia tak lama, tapi kehilangan dia memang terasa. Semoga Allah meletakkan dia (Kak Mazidah) dikalangan mereka yang dikasihi-Nya.

AL-FATIHAH~

Down to Memory Lane

Hari ni, ribut takde, angin kus-kus bahasa jawa pun takde, suddenly aku teringat pulak kenangan aku masa kat aSERAMa dulu. Mind you, rumah aku dengan sekolah aku tu bukannya jauh mana pun. Tak sampai 15km. Tapi abah aku beria-ia suruh aku duduk hostel. Kata dia, kalau aku dok kat rumah, pakai tak study la sebab asyik dok tengok cerita cina pukul 6 bleyy?? Dah cite tu best, mesti la tengok kan?? Nak nak pulak cite The Great General, cerita pasal keluarga Yang yang turun temurun menjadi pengawal diraja zaman Dinasti Song ke hape tah. Best woo cite tu sampai aku termiss semayang asar. Tu yang buat mak aku hangin satu badan tu. Dia kata, kalau dah suka sangat tengok cerita cina tu, pi la semayang kat tokong, pastu hang duduk dengan Ah Seng tokey kedai tu. Hahahaha. Lawak la mak aku ni. Memang jalan kan ugutan macam tu. Selagi tak kena tempik macam gajah naik minyak, haram la aku nak beredar dari depan TV tu.

So, berbalik pada cite asrama tu, since bapak aku ni dengan Warden asrama masa tu kenal each other, and in fact he know me well since aku kecik lagi, mrasa la dapat tempat untuk duduk asrama. Padahal ramai lagi yang rumah jauh tapi tak dapat. Masa kat asrama jugak la aku kenal Leha uols. Rumah Leha lagi la dekat dengan sekolah. Kentut pun boleh dengar. Tapi kabel baik punya, tu yang dapat duduk tu. At first tu memang excited la. Sebab banyak sangat baca buku cerita pasal Sekolah Tunku Ashikin yang popular dengan kehidupan asrama tu. Tapi reality was not as I expected la. Sebab tu la Shayda Mumuk lari dari hostel, padahal baru duduk satu malam. Bikin kecoh jer!!

Leha dengan I dapat satu dorm. Katil weols pulak at the same corner bawah kipas, tempat yang menjadi kegemaran abang-abang senior berehat selepas bersukan dengan seluar kotor dan masam siap tak pakai baju, landing atas katil weols dengan badan yang berpeluh-peluh. Siyal sungguh. Habis kotor cadar!! Masa Leha masuk asrama, locker dia penuh dengan ubat-ubatan dan produk kecantikan termasuk la FAIR & LOVELY. So, masa tu terus I kata dalam hati.. "SAH BUDAK NI PONDAN!!!" *matilahhh~~

And then, weols pun berkawan baik, termasuk la dengan sorang lagi budak ni yang weols panggil dia Fifi (padahal nama sebenar Firdaus nih!!). Fifi ni uols, asalnya jantan. Bila berkawan dengan weols, terus he came out from the closet dan menjadi terlebih pondan dari kitorang berdua ley?? Kalau bab memondan, dia memang nombor satu. Kerja menjerit jer. Tu belum part letak 'magic colour' Luna kat bibir dia. Gila tak nok?? Mrasa dua hari kaler merah tu tak keluar kan?? Tapi dalam pondan-pondan dia tu, tetap main bola nih!!

Budak-budak laki asrama ni siyal sikit uols. Depa ni jenis yang tak reti jaga kebersihan diri. Selamba je pakai towel orang. Nak kata tak mampu beli towel, takkan la kot. Berapa ringgit je pun. Bukat setakat guna, ada yang dengan selamba badak je buat towel tu sebagai kain basahan. Termasuk yang terkena, kain basahan aku lah. Budak-budak ni pulak, tahu-tahu je la, macam-macam penyakit kulit ada. Panau, kurap, songkhla dan macam-macam lagi la. Tinggal penyakit kusta je yang takde.

So, nak dijadikan cerita, tak lama lepas tu, I dengan Leha terkena la sumpahan penyakit kurap kat PEPET weols ni. SIALAN BETUL!! Memang bengang gile masa tu. Ni confirm towel weols pernah dipakai oleh NORMAN JAYA (matila tulis nama penuh). Betul uols, nama dia memang macam tu. Dia ni terkenal sebagai RADIO BURUK (nick name yang dibagi oleh Leha) sebab dia suka menyanyi lagu-lagu popular kat Rasio Musik ikut style dan tempo dia sendiri (which was annoying). Selain itu, dia ni jugak terkenal sebagai pembawak segala mak nenek penyakit kulit (as investigated by Leha la yang satu kelas dengan budak ni).

Oleh yang demikian, maka I dengan Leha pun decided nak pergi hospital on hari bersekolah. Boleh skip kelas. Hiks. Tapi yang bencinya nak mintak borang pergi hospital kat kerani sekolah yang nama Liza. Nama je glamer, tapi muka HUDUH!! Mulut dia boleh tahan gampang. Macam dia pulak guru besar sekolah tu. Banyak cantik. Dok demand suruh tunjuk bukti yang weols ni sakit (ie jangkitan kurap). Tak ke BODO namanya. Kang weols stripping kat situ, pengsan kot.

Sudahnya bagi jugak. Tahu je la mulut Leha yang macam bertih jagung tu. Laju je bagi jawapan balas. Pernah sekali tu Leha sound perempuan yang dok jeling weols atas bas. Leha kata, "Jeling-jeling. Korek bijik mata tu kang!!". Kannn?? Sebab tu la kitorang famous masa sekolah tu. Bukan sebab pandai, tapi sebab mulut laser mengalah thunder and storm.

Dah dapat tu, maka berangkut la weols naik bas KBRT yang nak runtuh tu ke pekan. Pastu jalan kaki through wat siam gi hospital. Konon short-cut la. Short-cut habis. Naik seram aku tengok patung hijau yang besar gedabak kat wat siam tu. So, kat hospital goverment ni, tahu-tahu je lah. Tunggu sampai nak reput baru dipanggil kan?? Masa tengah dok tunggu tu, tiba-tiba ada la sorang pakcik ni datang tegur weols.

Dia tanya, "Hangpa dua ni pasai apa mai hospital?? Sakit apa??".

Pastu aku ni yang ramah mesra pun jawab la, "Gatai kat pepet pak cik. Tak tau pasai apa. Tu yang mai check tu".

Then pakcik tu reply, "Ni gatai bukan pasai apa ni. Hangpa dua dok bertindih ayaq mani ni. Tu yang jadi gatai lagu tu..".

Eh, eh pakcik ni, pandai-pandai je buat spekulasi kan?? Bertindih ayaq mani apanya?? Weols pun belum puberty lagi time tu. Kowser!! Dah la mulut busuk. Leha dah ala-ala macam kena rasuk Dewa Durga dah. Ni satgi ada yang kena hamun ni. Nasib la weols mengambil keputusan untuk berambus dari tempat kejadian.

In the end, we managed to see the doctor and get some medication, which not so good sebab kesan dia lambat. Sudahnya, aku call abah aku and told him what happened. Then dia datang bagi ubat that he bought from the nearest pharmachy. It took me about 3 days to cure. Tapi masa apply ubat tu, pedihnya karipap ku ini, Tuhan je yang tahu. Melompat-lompat pedih.

As far as I remember, ada la kot dua kali aku kena infection nih. The second one masa form 3. Yang ni more likely macam genital warts pun ada jugak. Sabar je la. Lepas tu, sumpah aku nak duduk asrama lagi. Tapi in away, best jugak duduk asrama. Walaupun takde TV dan budak-budak laki sangat JAHANAM macam hantu raya, tapi best. I do enjoy it especially masa Form 2 and Form 3. Dah senior katakan, so besar kepala la sikit. Tapi terlalu banyak kenangan masa kat asrama dulu. Antaranya:

1. Berkelahi dengan akak-akak dewan makan yang pilih kasih. Kat abang-abang yang hensem, dia bagi lauk lebih. Kat weols ni dia bagi yang cinonet jer?? Paling tak tahan masa time supper pukul 9 malam. Masa tu biskut marie sangat popular. Dibaginya kat weols 3 keping je?? Keji!! Terus Fifi sound kat akak tu, "Aik, awat kurang sekeping?? Selit celah pepet ka??". Mak dengan Leha terus pengsan dengan dialog tu!!~~

2. Menjadi buruh paksa membina sangkar burung kat rumah warden dan jadi tukang kebun tak bergaji kat rumah dia. Macam kesiyal. Masa tu weols disuruh cabut rumbut tanpa menggunakan cangkul. Kena guna TANGAN uols!! Terasa macam buruh kasar. Habis hijau kuku weols!!

3. Main bola tampar lawan budak-budak jantan tak cukup awal. Weols menang. YESSS!!! Terima serve bebola berachonnnnnn darikiewwww!!!

4. Ketuk ketampi seratus kali sambil sebut cepat..cepat..cepat. Sebabnya lambat pegi prep. Kematu lutut weols 4 hari sampai nak semayang pun tak boleh uols. Cramped!!

5. Persembahan akhir tahun yang mana setiap dorm kena ambik bahagian. Dorm weols setiap tahun mesti keluar cerita zaman dahulu kala yang gempak. Mastermind dia sapa lagi kalau bukan I dan Leha. Penat ni praktis, siap pinjam baju budak perempuan. Dialog?? Dialog main hentam je. Asalkan kelakar. Paling best masa Form 3, buat cerita pasal Si Tanggang. Aku la yang jadi mak si Tanggang. Kena campak betul-betul ye dari stage (kononya tu kapal si Tanggang) sampai ke bawah. Cilakak betul!! Habis terselak kain aku. Tapi memang best!! Kesannya?? Satu sekolah panggil aku MAK SI TANGGANG. Macam siyal!!

Kalau nak cerita pasal asrama ni sampai esok tak habis. Tu belum masuk part Fifi gi mengendap penyelia asrama yang dia kata taste (padahal muka macam jamban roboh)!!

Ok, it's time for me to go to bed. Daaaaaa~~~

Biru Mata Hitamku..

Pesanan: Ini adalah untuk bacaan 18 tahun ke atas!! Read at you own risk yer!! Kalau tak suka baca, pandai-pandai la cari butang exit or simply press alt+F4..bleyyy??

Dua tiga menjak ni, I macam malas nak pergi gym. Bila time rajin nak ke gym, macam kesiyal pulak ramainya orang. And I have to pay damn 5 pound sebab jumlah staff yang datang were exceeding more than 40. So, I'm the lucky number 43 ni kena bayar kalau nak masuk. Nasib baik la gym fees just 20 pound annually. The worst part was bila terpaksa workout bersebelahan dengan jantan-jantan yang berbau kepam. Belah kiri bau stokin busuk. Belah kanan bau cengkih. Hish, sabar jelah. Depa ni tak reti pakai deodorant ke? Yang stokin tu, bila la last tukar pakcik oi?? Kot ye pun nak jimat letrik dan air kan?? At least, sembur-sembur la febreeze ke atau peNYAHbau yang lain!

I think, most of lelaki yang P to the L to the U, spend most of their time in locker room masa pergi gym kan?? Not to mention myself lah. It took me half an hour to change from my regular outfit to pakaian bersukan. And after penat berjoget dan bertonggek kat atas treadmill dan mesin pemecah lemak, I will spend another about half an hour in locker room before balik (or more). Alasannya, nak cool down before mandi la konon. Padahal nak MENCUCI mata, betul tak Ford? Beria-ia pergi gym sampai 4 jam, 2 jam saja duduk kat locker room kan??

I mean, what is more fascinating than watching a plenty of naked guys with their pretty bubble butt and show off of their 'lemang' yang beraneka saiz tu?? Idok le aku ni nak join sekali dengan depa tu Leha. Mak sedar nok. Kita ni kan set-set mawas bontot berbulu lebat. Kena wax dulu baru la boleh bareback kan??

Tapi, tak semua INDAH belaka. Ada sekali masa I tengah duduk kat bench kat depan loker I disatu susut terpencil, ada la satu Pak Tam yang kimpahnya mengalahkan badak sumatera tengah dok salin baju depan I. Dengan tidak semena-menanya, dia dengan selamba menanggalkan seluar, sambil tonggek right in front of my face!! Maka terserlah la segala mala 'batu belah batu bertangkup' uols!! Choy!! Sekali dia tonggek, maka batu terbelah..pastu dia berdiri tegak, dah jadi batu bertangkup. And he keep on doing the same routine repetitively sampai dia siap. Did I enjoy it?? Daaa, memang la sangat kan. Tapi, idok le aku ni berani nak sound ke hapa. Yang penting, that scene was soooo YUCKS!! Serta merta I bertukar jadi Elly Mazlein sambil nyanyi lagu favourite Leha, Usah Ditambah Bara Tersimpan leyy??

"Tak sanggup ku berdepan, tak ingin memandang..tergambar kepahitan semalam.."

Kenapa la takde yang kendu dan sedap mata memandang yang datang bertonggek-tonggekan depan I. INDAAAHHH la sikit permandangan kan?? Tapi gym yang I pegi ni pun, kalau I ni inspection from city council, tahap kebersihan dia confirm I bagi BIG F - stand for f*ucking nasty!! Tu belum masuk part some uncivilized people yang tak reti lap badan kering-kering before masuk locker room. Habis bertakung air atas lantai. Bodoh betul!! Ada jugak yang jenis pergi swimming pool tak bawak towel. Pastu naik masuk locker room dengan air menitik-nitik. Sabar je lah!

Pak cik was talking to me one day about my habit of watching porn. I believe that is nothing wrong watching porn as I believe that he did as well. Off course in religious view it is forbidden kan?? Not to mention porn la. In fact, watching Mariah Carey singing with her exposed 'twin' is considered as a sin right? Well, what make him wonder was why I'm sooo into of straight porn.

I think I am a very sensual person. I enjoy watching both straight and non-straight porn, minus the lesbian and the bizarre one who-had-sex-with-her-own-dog or menggunakan segala jenis sayur-sayuran untuk memuaskan nafsu. I don't see what is the point of watching two women wanking each other 'karipap' if you have 'mentimun' to offer kan? But I know some guys did enjoy watching 'cunt' wanking each other, but that does not apply to me!! That is way too disgusting!! Lain la Sharul. Dia suka la benda-benda pelik ni. Koser!! *ops~

I'm always want to experience new thing. But obviously I'm not into acara bergang-gang mahupun 3some. I still prefer one to one. So, bukan setakat outdoor dalam semak kat Osterley Park, kat dalam kedai basikal pun I hentam sekali you. Apparently this Abang Basikal (he was an army force ok) owned that kedai basikal. When I met him at his kedai, we supposed to walk back to his place la. Tapi disebabkan Abang Basikal tengah 'menuju puncak gemilang cahaya', maka sudahnya kat kedai basikal sahajork uols. Nasib baik la tak guna minyak hitam as lubricant kan?? So, sebab tu la aku ni lambat membeli basikal Esah oi. Tengah tunggu deal baik punya dengan Abang Basikal ni. Mana tau untung-untung dapat basikal free kan?? *matilah friend with benefit~

Oh ok, I think this is way too much information hoh?? As much as I don't want to share my other extra activities dalam kelambu, sometimes ter-spilled jugak kat sini. Eh blog aku suka hati la kan?? But I believe nanti mesti ada la lalat sampah sarap yang hinggap bagi ceramah free. As much as I appreciate that, but no thanks. Seriously, I don't want anymore unwanted comment from anonymous people yang takde kena mengena dengan hidup I. As if aku ni mengacau hidup dia la pulak. After all, kubur masing-masing kan???

Sekian.

Yang Halal, Yang Haram... (Bahagian 2)

I believed most of the people that I know were aware about my HALAL diet. Off course la I did mention to them yang I ni not-so-hardcore-muslim-guy but pork, alcohol and stuffs are big no no. In fact, if (jika ye) I ni non muslim pun, I might not eating pork or drink alcohol either. Ye la, with my not so bad microbiology background and ke-geniusan tahap melampau in parasitology, tidak la ku begitu ghairah nak metenkedarah (bahasa kedah for makan) menatang yang berhidung tonyok tu. With all the Taenia saginata (tapeworm) dan babi ni jugak la host to most of the disease yang sangat sinonim dengan manusia like swine flu, JE dan lain-lain lagi, why should I even bother kan?? Nak pulak dengan style pemakanan babi ni lain sikit uols. Aku ni sampai naik geli geleman tengok documentary about British Pig Farmer. Melihat babi yang bertompok-tompok tu ewwwwww...Groooossssss!!! (Walaupun ada pink piglet yang cute but still...GROSSS!)

Cute piglet!!~~

Dan aku pun tak paham dengan mentaliti sesetengah orang yang macam tak boleh hidup kalau tak makan babi satu hari, include yang dalam rumah ni. Thanks God la dia tak pernah beli daging mentah and stuff in our fridge. Kalau tak mrasa samak peti ais kan?? But he does have stash some of pork slice, bacon, salami dan macam-macam lagi untuk dimakan dengan rotinya ittew tatkala dia berasa ketagih nak makan babi..bleyyy?? Flatmate I yang lagi sorang tu memang la tak makan babi walaupun dia tu typical english bloke.

Our friend, Miss C selalu la jugak jemput weols gi dinner kat rumah dia (sebab weols pun selalu ajak dia dunner kat our place). So, she's aware about my halal diet. In fact, during her birthday last March, dia begitu gigih buat tag for all the food to make sure that I eat the right food. Padahal I sorang je yang muslim kan?? That was so sweet of her and her kids yang bersusah-payah make sure that I have food to eat dan tak tersalah makan cik bibah.

Nak dijadikan cerita, satu hari tu, dia ajak la weols pergi dinner kat rumah dia. Pucuk dicita ulam mendatang la kan?? Seperti yang dijanjikan, I pun pergi la dengan pakcikku ittew ke rumah Miss C. Sampai-sampai tu, dia offer drink and I pun duduk la kat ruang tamu sambil bersembang-sembang dengan anak Miss C yang memang close dengan I, Lou.

Sedang weols dok rancak bersembang, while pakcik sedang tengok TV, tiba-tiba muncul Miss C dengan some makanan ringan include patato chips, celery, olive and frankfurter (I guess la). Maka aku yang tengah kebulur ni sebab penat bercakap, terus la aku mencapai frankfurter dan NGAPPP!!! Tak sempat pakcik nak stop aku and pastu semua orang diam tengok aku with dropped-jaw. Aku yang baru kunyah sikit benda alah tu terus la tanya, "Pasai apa hangpa semua? Is this pork?". Pastu, Lou kata, "I'm not sure but I think it is".

Lepas tu, tak cukup tanah aku lari gi dapur and luahkan apa yang patut. Geli siyal!! Miss C berkali-kali mintak ampun sebab dia terlupa yang aku tak makan babi. Bleyyy?? SABOTAJ ke uols?? Malas nak panjangkan cerita sebab salah aku jugak sebab gelojoh. Padan muka aku!! And jangan tanya apa rasa dia sebab tak sempat nak rasa aku dah luah and I don't want to know. It was embarrass enough and menggelikan that everytime I think about it, I feel tingle in my body. It was awful!! I'm not even proud of it at all macam sesetengah orang tu yang dengan bangganya tayang dia dok tonggang arak. Ya ya we know you COOL enough sebab minum benda tu tapi pandai makan, pandai la simpan kan?? Tak payah nak tunjuk kat orang. Semoga Allah ampunkan aku sebab TERmakan benda haram nih.

Leha, depa hidang ni kat depan hang, hang makan dak if they didn't mention ni menatang apa?? Mrasa PORK BELLY!!!

Moral of the story?? Lain kali sebelum makan baca doa dulu pastu tanya benda apa yang hangpa dok hadap tu. And for some yang rasa it is NASTY or rasa nak sumpah seranah sebab I termakan benda haram tu, just know that, it is not much different dengan orang yang makan dari sumber yang haram (ie duit hasil mencuri ke, melacur ke..). Walaupun yang dia makan tu bukan babi, tapi hukum haram dia sama jer (in fact even worst kot). Cuma benda tu tak nyata macam babi yang terang-terang nampak depan mata kan?? So, bawak-bawak la berenti dok makan dari sumber haram especially harta anak yatim. Kang tak pasal-pasal kena tulah. Saya ni nak mengingatkan saja.. *sambil kepit suara ala-ala sang kancil~

Eh, melalut jadi ruangan agama kat Radio Era pulak. Saya ni memang pandai bercakap, tapi diri sendiri pun tak betul (yang sebenarnya saya ni DEFENSIVE bley?). Moh la kita bersama-sama muhasabah (dan sarawak ye Esah?) diri kita..

Kepada mereka yang begitu concern pasal pemakanan saya (in term of halal food la, bukannya makanan seimbang uols!!), tak payah la risau sebab kat London ni banyak kedai makanan halal. Kau tak payah nak convert jadi vegetarian pun. Pendek kata, kalau korang semua fikir yang I ni semakin hari semakin SLIM seperti Kate Moss, sila hentikan imaginasi itu sebab hakikatnya I makin melebar macam ikan paus. Kat sini, tak susah nak cari halal food compare to other european country. Besides, halal butcher cuma sekangkang kera je dari flat I ni. Pekerja kat kedai tu handsome you! Kalau kau rasa Amr Diab tu handsome, ni handsome dia kuasa tiga dari Amr Diab ittew ok... *matilah melalut~~

Tetibe Amr Diab naik carta~~

Daaaaaaa....

Jom Berambus!!

Last weekend, I went to Westfield with pakcik, kononnya nak joli katak duit gaji sakan la. Lately, kat London, asal weekend je, banyak la underground were not operated due to proses-proses penambahbaikkan. Bak kata orang TFL la (Transport for London). So, we decided untuk naik bas sahajork. We've waited for a good 7 minutes for bus to Westfield in White City. To pun ada orang tu membebel sebab kena tunggu 7 minit. Aku kata kat dia, nasib baik 7 minit. Kalau kat KL lagi la azab. Nak on-time tu jangan harap la. Nama jer every 15 minutes, tapi haram kan?? Kadang-kadang tu tunggu sampai 1 jam pun, haram sebijik bas nak lalu. Pakcik driver bas RempitKL boleh tahan la jugak sengal depa ni. Bas dijadualkan bertolak pukul 8.30, dia pi bertolak pukul 8.25. Tak ke I yang masa tu pengguna setia bas REMPIT ni, berlari-lari anak seperti Menachi yang terlepas keretapi?

Mak satu ketika dulu..bleyyy?? *sambil jerit kat pakcik bas...TUNGGGUUUU!!~

Bas pulak penuh, sendat dan panas macam dalam microwave. Tahu-tahu je la, bas kat sini tak guna aircond uols!! So, since temperature on that day agak panas, maka bertambah terbakar la weols dalam bas tu. And the journey pun boleh tahan jugak la jauh. Nak pulak bila that bus has to stop at every bloody bus stop.

Westfield~

Plan tu nak shop till tempurung lutut drop kan?? Tapi, sejak I duduk kat London ni, I'm a bit careful in handling my money compare masa I kat KL. Nak shopping pun agak berkira ye. Walaupun, price wise kat sini not too bad, but since I've got other commitment, I have to makesure that I only use certain amount of money. Kad kredit pulak takdak at the moment, except yang Shitibank punya. Tapi since yang tu Malaysia punya credit card, malas la nak guna. Sebab nanti bil diconvert-convertkan sewenang-wenangnya. Tak kuasa la aku!

So sudahnya, aku beli a pair of short from Zara, since semua short aku telah ditinggalkan kat KL sebab Ford kata I don't need short in London. Sekarang how?? CIS!! I also bought a pair of gladiator sandal and 2 shirts at the same store. Overall, I only spent about GBP80!! Oh ya, I used to have gladiator sandal back in KL, tapi dirampas masa kat KLIA sebab Ford kata, I don't need gladiator sandal kat sini. Kannnn?? Pandai la kau!! Nasib baik jumpa yang cun and I really love it!!

My new gladiator sandal!! *sila abaikan kaki yang berbulu tu yer~

Yang pakcik sorang lagi tu pulak dok eyeing on this bladeless fan. Mula-mula dok belek-belek, bila budak kedai tu kata ada discount 10% terus dia angkut. Bleyy?? Mudah sangat kena beli kan??

Pakcik's new bladeless fan!

Dah sudah membeli tu, weols pun pergi la makan kat Jom Makan. Since my first experience makan kat sini ok, aku pun suggest la kat pakcik untuk makan kat sini. Tapi this time sangat hampeh. Not to mention staffs dia (yang caucasian not chinese / other), sangat la tak berbudi bahasa. Dah la tak senyum satu hal. We are all knows that it has been very busy day, tapi perlu la bermasam-masam muka kan? Dah la bagi menu main campak-campak. Pastu panggil nak ambik order pun kena tunggu quite long, baru depa mai ambik order.

So, I ordered meehoon goreng and pakcik ordered nasi lemak. Nasi lemak dia sangat sedih ok. Harga mahal macam gampang tapi portion tak macam harga langsung. Beef rendang dia ada la 2 ketul, prawn sambal yang prawn dia ada 5 ketul, telur separuh and anchovies dia ada la 3 ekor. Keji tau!! Yang kat Mara House, Paddington tu even better and cheaper. Sedap pulak tu. Yang ni? So so je la. Nasib la my fried meehoon were not too bad. Kalau tak mrasa la ada orang meroyang kat situ sambil jerit PULANGKAN!!!! Anyway, I have to second Esah. This restaurant bukan Jom Makan. It's more like JOM BERAMBUS DARI SINI!!

My meehoon goreng..

Nasi lemak Jom Berambus Makan

Nasi lemak Mara House

Nampak tak perbedaan dia? Hish buat malu Malaysia je. I rasa nak mintak franchais Nasi Lemak Mali and bukak satu kat London ni. Mrasa meriah!!

Ok la, dah mengantuk. Nyte nyte beeyotch!!~~

Sakit Mulut..

I think I'm kind of person yang sangat pantang if someone try to tell me what I should or shouldn't do especially for something that I'm good at. If it regarding something that I don't know or something that I'm not good at...yes, I'm the best student that you'll ever had. Ego?? Maybe. I'm type of person that know what I want and when I want it (kononnya la, walaupun kadang-kadang tingtong). So, don't tell me what to do. Just DON'T!! Lain la kalau aku memang tak tahu, tu lain cerita la. Takkan la nak basuh pinggan pun you have to tell me that I should do this and this way instead of my normal malaysian style kan? Isn't it ridiculous to ask people to follow your so-called English style sedangkan matlamatnya sama je. Yang penting pinggan tu bersih, betul tak Esah? Dah la I ni jenis set-set yang sangat tak pandai nak guna dishwasher, so terpaksa la menggunakan what God gave to us kan?

Last week, one of my patient ni and she's Somali lady (as always la kan..ada je complaint from puak-puak ni). She came for NT scan at 12 weeks. And she asked me about the gender of her 12 week's fetus. I told her, it is impossible since the fetus is still small in size. But I do admit that sometimes it's not possible for us to see the gender especially if the fetus is boy. You can easily see the small penis between the leg, but it can be wrong. Not that I'm not good in it. Tapi, just to make sure that I see the right thing. Buatnya tersalah bagitau, tak ke nanti riuh satu hospital kononya aku buat silap. Credibility is important ye and that's all I got. Hence, I can look for the gender at 20 weeks scan, which is clearer and accurate. So, why should I even bother kan?? Besides, it is not important anyway. Yang penting baby tu sihat walafiat. Part dia boy ke girl ke, tu bior le Tuhan yang tentukan. Kata orang Islam, bawak-bawak la bersabar tunggu sampai minggu ke-20. Sabar tu kan separuh daripa Iman. Separuh yer, bukan a quarter.

The best part was, after I told her that I will not looking for the gender (not that I can't), she kind of irritated and sarcastically told me,

"You know, in some country they can tell the baby's sex at 12 weeks".
*sambil pose macam ni bleyyy??

Bleyyy?? Serta merta guruh berdentum, loceng kat kuil pun berbunyi-bunyi. Muka I pun dah berubah menjadi seakan-akan Sri Devi dalam cerita Nagin ular senduk tu. Hayooo berani kau kan?? So, sarcastically I asked her back.

"Oh where is it?? Do tell me?? Is it in Zimbabwe??"

Ok, don't ask me why it is always Zimbabwe yang keluar. The main thing is, benda ni keluar dari mulut aku time-time yang tak diduga. Harus la mak itam tu sentap kan?? Terus dia membebel-bebel dalam bahasa dia. Like I care la kan?? Pandai la sangat kau nak mengajar aku as if aku tak tahu buat kerja aku kan? Hopefully dia tak buat aduan about me being rude to her (though as I mentioned, I said it sarcastically). And as far as I concern, takde la pulak surat cinta datang from management. Walaupun begitu (tetibe bahasa style KBSM), aku rasa yang aku tak patut react that way. Entah kenapa suddenly I lost my cool. Hish, I think in away, I have to learn to control my chronic foot and mouth disease yang akan tiba-tiba datang disaat I stress tak ingat.

Ini termasuk la dengan orang kat rumah I ni. Walaupun English I tak semantap Leha, Shayda mahupun Ford, tapi bila angin kus-kus datang, laju je mulut ni macam bertih jagung menjawab. Unlike some yang suka sangat la guna F word. Aku ni takde la sampai macam tu. Tak sopan betul. Sehari kalau tak guna perkataan tu tak boleh kot? Nak pulak orang tu jenis yang kuat complaint. Ingatkan dah lama duduk kat England, makin beradab kan? Ye lah nok, I must say that, most of English people (bukan yang remaja, ni yang dah dewasa) sangat polite. Ni tak, every single thing ada je complaint.

Too long commercial on the tele. Complaint!

Stupid encounters on Britain Got Talent. Complaint!

Terlalu banyak US tv programme. Complaint!!

What else? Lady Gaga popular pun dia complaint!! Asyik-asyik dok kata stuff from zaman-zaman tu lagi best and all the latest ni is a complete joke and copycat from the past. Tapi bak kata orang, kalau takdak yang lama, tiada la yang baru kan?? Tapi perlu la nak meroyan? Zaman dah ke depan. SO, MOVE ON!!! Terima la hakikat yang zaman kau tu dah berlalu.

Kalau komen je tak pe Leha oi. Because everybody does kan? Ni tak, complaint as if dia je betul and semua orang tu bodoh, tak tahu apa-apa and ballock!! Apa masalah dia ni aku pun tak tau. Yang jadi mangsa sapa?? Akak jugak uols!! Apa la dosa aku ni terpaksa mendengar orang meroyan tak tentu pasal dengan benda yang takdak kena mengena dengan hidup aku ni?? So, sometimes, kena la menjawab balik. Mulut ni pulak kalau dah buka memang susah nak berenti. Sudahnya, boleh meletus perang saudara kat rumah ni. Tinggal belum baling pinggan mangkuk je. Tu sikit hari lagi tu boleh jadi gamaknya melayang jugak la pinggan Ikea kat rumah ni!!

Hai..sabar aje lahh SABARIAH!!

Ni sapa la yang pandai-pandai buat bentuk love ni? Gatai sungguh!!

PS: Sebenarnya aku pun tak tau apa yang aku membebel nih~

Outdoor

KANNN tajuk?? Ahahaha. Mrasa yang mana pelayar tegar lawan sesawang (website) XXX tahu la kan apa maksudnya. Betul tak FORD??? *larikkkkkkkk~

I must say that benda-benda yang melibatkan outdoor ni memang la sangat tidak sinonim dengan tuan punya badan yang menulis ni. But I do love jungle tracking, cycling and jogging yer. Tapi, tidak la sampai nak bercamping gigih bagai, kayaking, water-rafting dan sebagainya. Teringin jugak nak try tapi biasalah kan, salah satunya sebabnya adalah takdak geng yang nak diajak. Nak ajak sapa?? AMIRUL?? Mana la nak campak chihuahua dia tu?? Sedangkan berjalan nak gi makan kat mamak pun membebel macam mak nenek, inikan pulak nak ajak dia hiking bagai. Takut sangat 'lemak tegar' dia tu cair.. *ops~~

Chihuahua leyyyy??

So, nak dijadikan cerita, ada la orang tu ajak aku ber'outdoor' katanya. Semenjak dua menjak dok gigih balik kat MJ dengan GD kan, bermacam-macam orang la yang ajak aktiviti 'riadah'. I told him yang I tak pernah outdoor, but I said I don't mind to give a try. Tu diahhhh!! Maka datang la dia menghangkut I tengah-tengah malam kan?? Tahu-tahu je la malam-malam time spring ni boleh tahan jugak sejuk dia.

Pastu dengan selamba je la masuk celah hutan kat Osterley Park tu. Hang tau dak kat mana tu Esah?? Hish, aku ni dalam hati dok dup dap dup dap. Ye la, buatnya tiba-tiba keluar ular senduk ke hapa, kang tak pasal-pasal ada orang pose jadi Ratu rasukan ular / Nagin kan?? Bab-bab ular ni ok sikit sebab I believe yang kat England ni takde la seteruk macam kat Australia tu. Bawah katil pun ada ular. Yang aku takut tu, buatnya muncul benda-benda pelik, jembalang tanah ke (ayo mulut!!), tak ke naya namanya Leha? Kat sini mana ada pawang bagai nak berubat kalau kena rasuk. Yang ada exorcist hat yang merenjis-renjis dipilis holy water tu ada la. Tu pun tak tau, betul ke auta?? Mulut aku ni pulak cabul. Dok sebut benda yang bukan-bukan. Sabo je la..LOL.

Imah sebagai Nagin *matilahhh kena patuk

Tapi dalam dok takut-takut tu, ku redah jua demi sesuap ______ (sila isi tempat kosong tu sendiri ye), kan Lukman?? Ahahahaha. Tapi it was a quickie je la sebab sejuk kejung. Tu la, tak plan betul-betul. Main redah jer. Next time, aku bawak segala bakul berkelah siap dengan sandwich tuna bagai. Kot-kot kalau lapar, boleh sesambil tu NGAP apa yang patut.. *ttbe

Ok la, I nak tido. Nyte nyte beyotch!!~~

PS: Jangan lupa BILAS yer kawan-kawan!!!

P/PS: Kalau tak faham, buat-buat la paham yer..